“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
The Life Waiting For Us …….when we let go of the one that didn’t happen..”
As children we all had dreams and visions of what our lives would look like when we grew up. We were fed stories of “happy ever after” and of princesses and princes and yet often the truth of our lives is far removed from these fairy-tale-happy-ever-after stories and it is precisely this distance between our dreams and our reality that creates much of our pain and suffering.
The truth is that today there are many challenges and disappointments facing all of us as we grow up in this world. From rising divorce rates, the disappearance of job security to the more global fears around climate change and terrorism. There is however one new theme arising that concerns only women- the growing tribe of Nomo’s – women who are not mothers. And whilst some of the Nomo group has actively chosen not to become mothers, the majority find themselves in this position not by choice but by circumstance.
Currently in the UK one in five women have reached their mid-forties without having had children and this trend is just set to grow. And yet these women are often filled with shame and pain- they feel they are the outcasts in a world filled with images of the “yummy mummy” and celebrities displaying their latest baby as they would their latest outfit. The little media acknowledgement that there is of this group tends to be filled with judgement and condescension- believing that they are “career women” or “selfish” yet the truth is that many of the tribe of Nomos have not consciously chosen to forgo having children in their lives, rather the circumstances of their lives has meant that children for whatever reason just didn’t happen.
Grief, despair, anger and hopelessness are often the feelings that arise in women when the reality they face is so different from the dreams they once held- their marriage has crumbled or they never got married, the job that had merged with their identity is suddenly no more or the baby boat has left the harbor and is not returning. For some women these feelings are simply overwhelming and the only seeming option is to drown and numb them out with alcohol and drugs. Whilst these tactics may seem initially to give relief, over time the solution becomes the problem.
It is when the magnitude of the drinking and/or using of drugs becomes overwhelming that many women start searching for help and it is then that they may come across Hope Rehab based in Thailand. Hope is a unique facility combining the best of modern day recovery treatment- mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, developmental psychology and 12 steps. It is set next to the coast just south of Bangkok with easy access to cities, islands and beaches.
For many women living with pain and grief in their lives, alcohol and drugs may initially seem like an answer yet what is actually required is an ability to face the loss and grief and then turn with curiosity and openness to the life that they actually inhabit. Hope rehab www.hoperehabcenterthailand.com is the place where grief and loss can transform into possibility and true hope for the future.
To watch a video about Hope Rehab PRESS HERE
Samina Khan – Senior Therapist at Hope Rehab Thailand
From ‘the mud the lotus’ PRESS HERE
*Image credit: All images are from Hope Island Thailand
*Keep Life Simple : This is a paid blog post.